


Carlos

by supermusicmad



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, M/M, episode format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supermusicmad/pseuds/supermusicmad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil is unable to take his radio show and asks Carlos to do it for him. Based on a tumblr text post by pancake221b.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carlos

If you're hearing this pre-recorded message then I'm not here to take your show this evening, Night Vale. Many reasons for this are possible. Perhaps I am trapped by some strange phenomenon, a creature that will not release me or a mindless tragedy than cannot be reasoned with. Maybe some of you, dear listeners, are trapped with me, or perhaps I am alone in this horror. Perhaps I have gone some way to upsetting Station Management, and they have not permitted me to enter the studio, or I am currently under re-education measures implemented by the Sheriff's Secret Police. Perhaps I have been struck ill, incapacitated by a cold or by food poisoning or by a simple fever of the brain and nervous system.

Perhaps it is none of these things; perhaps it is all of these things. Certainly, listeners, I cannot promise you answers, but you turn off your radios now, I can promise you _no_ answers.

Pray for me, Night Vale. Pray for my safe recovery from whatever dark forces have conspired to keep me from you, and keep your radio tuned in for your best chance of avoiding my dreadful, dreadful fate.

Welcome to Night Vale.

[music]

Erm - Hello. Well, Cecil was right. He is ill. He asked me to play that message, but it wasn't quite as explanatory as I thought it would be. Perhaps I should - well, he's not in any danger. And neither are the rest of you, there's no need to worry. He's just got himself a - well, I don't really know what he's got. It's a bug of some sort. He can't really talk. Yesterday, he couldn't talk at all, he'd just open his mouth and this - noise would come out. Like the ocean in a seashell. He's better today. He still keeps jangling, though, and sometimes he squeaks and explodes, so he asked me to take the show for him.

My name's Carlos, and I'm Cecil's - friend. Boyfriend. He'll be very annoyed if I don't say boyfriend. I'm Cecil's boyfriend, and I think some of you know me. He said he tells you about me sometimes. And of course, you've been of great help with my research, Night Vale. For those of you who don't know me, I'm a scientist, and I've been studying your - wonderful city. It's been fascinating. Cecil did suggest, through a hand-written note and some - interesting - sign language, that I might like to share some of my findings with you this evening on his show. But - but I see movement from behind the Station Management door, so maybe I should stick to script and do the traffic. Yes. Yes. Traffic.

According to - well, what it says here is to close my eyes and poke a pin into this map, and wherever it lands will be closed this evening due to urgent resurfacing work. So... I guess... Travesty Lane. If you were planning on using Travesty Lane tonight, Night Vale, don't. Apparently there's urgent resurfacing works going on. Every other road is running smoothly as per usual.

Perhaps I can talk about some of my discoveries now. Management seems to have calmed down a little, and Cecil told me his audience are very interested in science. Of course, I know some of you are, you've volunteered to help me in my research, and I'm - very grateful for that, of course. Special thanks to Larry Leroy and Old Woman Josie, who were both very generous with their time when I last asked for your help, regarding the invisible clock tower. I'm pleased to say that research was quite successful, Night Vale, and I can tell you that in actual fact th-

[Carlos' voice is suddenly cut off as the transmission goes silent. There is nothing for several seconds, and then a calm female voice speaks:]

_For your safety and convenience, the broadcast you are currently listening to has been interrupted. You do not want to hear it. You are not curious about what is being kept from you. Please enjoy these calming farmyard sounds until it is deemed safe for you to return to the broadcast._

[A soft gentle wind, distant footsteps and voices, and the echoing cries of farmyard animals. A herd of sheep can be heard somewhere to the left, a cow mooing off to the right. Somewhere a tractor is driving down a rough pathway, creaking as it hits the potholes.]

-hope that makes a little more sense to you, Night Vale. If you want to talk to me or any of my colleagues about it, our lab is next door to Big Rico's Pizza. We're always happy to talk to interested parties.

I went to visit Khoshekh just before the show. Well, obviously, I didn't go in especially to visit Khoshekh, I went to - well, you know. But I saw Khoshekh while he was there, and he's doing very well. Cecil first brought me to meet him the day after our first date. He seemed nervous. I think he was hoping Khoshek would approve of me. He did. Which was nice. Didn't think I'd need a floating cat's approval, but apparently I did.

I'd quite like to study Khoshekh in more detail, but I'm afraid that would - well. I don't think I could fully understand how Khoshekh functions without doing some experiments Cecil would highly disapprove of. And so would I, of course. I wouldn't ever harm that adorable little furball. You know, I didn't even like cats that much before I met Khoshekh. Neither did Cecil. But we've both decided he's perfect. I - What's that? [papers rustling]

Thank you. I've got - breaking news. Someone has been seen trying to climb the walls of the Dog Park. It looks as though they were trying to get in. The reports don't give any sort of description of the person, and - oh. Oh God. Apparently, they succeeded in scaling the walls of the Dog Park, climbed over the top and then jumped down the other side. Seconds later, witnesses passing the Dog Park heard a scream of horror and re-

Oh. Oh, thank you, Gary. Gary has just pointed out a very important "not" in the statement that I had previously missed. Nobody has been seen climbing the walls of the Dog Park, they definitely did not succeed in getting inside, and witnesses of the event have certainly not reported terrified screams, or the smell of slowly roasting meat. Well - that's a relief, hmm? Thanks, Gary.

Now the Community Calendar. Hang on, it's here somewhere... [rustling of papers] Ah, here we go.

Saturday, the Boy Scouts are having their annual bring-and-buy sale outside the Town Hall, opening to the public at 10am and closing at 4pm. They've requested that - uh - well, it says here that they've asked anyone who wishes to bring their houseplant, pet or child to sell supplies sufficient equipment to look after it, and a return address, as the Boy Scouts will not take responsibility for any organism left unsold at the end of the day. I - uh - I personally cannot recommend selling living creatures at a bring-and-buy, Night Vale, but - that's what it says here. They also ask that clothing is relatively clean and any CDs are not too scratched.

Sunday - doesn't matter. That's all it says here. Sunday doesn't matter.

John Peters - you know? The farmer? - has asked me to tell you all that he's looking for volunteers to help harvest his imaginary peaches on Monday afternoon. He can't pay you, he says, as things are tight and he still wants to plant a nice big crop of imaginary peaches next year. He can, however, offer you a few imaginary peaches for lunch and even some to take home with you. So, if helping out a neighbor in return for some - imaginary peaches sounds good to you, get in touch with John Peters - you know? The farmer?

Tuesday will be three times longer than it should. I've checked several times and I'm sure. Splitting it into early Tuesday, middle Tuesday and late Tuesday might help the disorientated. If there's anything I can do to return Tuesday to its normal length, I'll do my best.

Wednesday - well, I feel like I should mention Wednesday, but it's still cancelled. Sorry.

And Thursday - [hushed voice] Keep an eye out for hooded figures, Night Vale. I have a theory that there is more hooded figure activity on Thursdays.

[normal voice] I think we've got time for a bit more science. I've been looking into the boundaries of the city. Just - right round the edges, you know? Because there must be something different, something that changes. And I was right. It turns out that -

[The transmission goes silent again. It takes less time for the voice to speak this time:]

_For your safety and convenience, the broadcast you are currently listening to has been interrupted. You do not want to hear it. You are not curious about what is being kept from you. Please enjoy the sound of wasps in a jam jar until it is deemed safe for you to return to the broadcast._

[There is a loud, wavering buzzing sound, echoing as if in a hollow space. It quietens every few seconds only to build up to a crescendo again.]

-get too close. I don't think they're harmful, but I haven't really tried making contact with any of them yet. Hopefully, I can continue my research, and Cecil will let you know what happens soon.

And now, the weather. It's going to be - what? Sorry, I just - I just press this button here? Okay, right.

[weather: Remember My Name - Yuna]

I don't know if you've noticed, Night Vale, but the lights above the Arby's are getting brighter. They used to be hardly bigger than the stars, but now they're like – well, I don't know what they're like. But they're huge, and so multi-coloured. Blue ones and red ones and purple ones and green ones. I've never seen anything like them. I'd say it was something like the Aurora Borealis, but - but I suppose none of you would know what I was talking about. Besides, we're far too far south to get anything like them here. I think Cecil was right. I think they're something getting closer, coming to find us. Coming to greet us. I don't think they're anything to worry about, though. Cecil doesn't worry about them. Cecil loves the lights above the Arby's, and I lo- well. If Cecil doesn't mind them, neither do I.

There's one thing that's fascinated me about this city since I first discovered it, Night Vale. Time. Time does not work like it should in Night Vale. Sometimes the sun sets too late, sometimes Cecil spends hours watching the lights in the sky while the weather is on for four minutes, sometimes subways open up on our streets leading people into some sort of time maze that they can lost in for millennia. The clocks are not real. Time is not real. And just recently, I made a fascinating new development on this topic. I can now-

[The studio door opens]

Who are you? Didn't you see the light? We're on air!

Oh. Oh, I see.

Yes, of course. I'll just - finish, shall I?

Once I've finished this show, Night Vale, I might be gone for a little while. But know this - I will not be stopped in my quest for knowledge. I will understand your community, and I will share my findings with you. I will find what there is to be found, I will know what there is to be known, no matter how long it takes.

It might take a very long time, but luckily, I have been greeted now by - friends. These friends will take me from this studio, and - teach me, I'm sure. I believe I may have made some mistakes in my broadcast today, and I will be corrected. That's - good. That's good. That's fine.

When I return, I will know more. And when I know more, you will know more.

Good night, Night Vale. [audible gulp] Good night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My perfect Carlos, you were wonderful!"

Cecil hiccoughs loudly - it only sounds a little like an owl now - and carefully embraces Carlos, never letting go of the blanket he's kept around him all day. He smells of tomato soup and lemon cough drops, but Carlos settles into his arms, relaxing for what feels like the first time in days.

"Are you sure? I was so nervous, Cecil. I - I don't even remember most of the show, I was so nervous. Are you sure I didn't make a complete idiot of myself?"

"No, no, of course you didn't, my darling. My audience will have loved you, I'm sure of it! They'll ask for you back!"

"Never again." Carlos shakes his head emphatically. "Never, ever again."

"Not even with me?" Cecil pouts playfully, and makes a low popping noise. "We could co-host. They would love you to, Carlos. I'd love you to."

"Really?" Carlos' eyes light up, and he considers it for a few moments. "I... Well, I'll see. I'll be very busy after all. I've got lots of research to do."

"Of course you do, love. I wouldn't have it any other way." Cecil ducks his head, Carlos leans up to kiss his hair and they settle on the sofa comfortably.

Luckily, Cecil is talking without odd noises by his next show, and things return slowly to normal. Or, as normal as they get, Carlos thinks to himself as he drives out to the boundaries of the city.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the weather: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXeTy3NV4oE
> 
> As usual, be aware that nothing belongs to me - I don't own WTNV, or Yuna, or even this idea, as the lovely pancake221b on Tumblr was my inspiration.
> 
> Also, I've been made aware that another wonderful fic exists along these lines: The Devil Made Me Do It (http://archiveofourown.org/works/962926). It's a fantastic fic and I highly recommend it, but I thought I'd better mention that my fic was inspired by Tumblr, it was written before I was aware of the existence of The Devil Made Me Do It, and if the author has any problem with my fic existing on AO3 they should contact me. :)


End file.
